When you’re dating, it can be difficult to navigate through the waters. It’s scary letting a stranger in. You don’t know them well enough to know their sensitivities or what kind of emotional baggage is lurking in the shadows. So, guys, I’m going to help you out with some things you should definitely never say to a girl you are dating/casually dating/FWB/ meeting for the first time/etc.
- Don’t get attached– Like, duh?! We smelled your insecurities a mile away. We know you aren’t ready for commitment which is why WE picked YOU.
2. Never say her “body rating” out loud– This is just so dumb in the first place. I can’t even…I’m speechless. First of all, if you only think your girl is only a 7 why are you even with her?! She should be a 10 in your eyes. DO NOT rate her out loud; Actually, don’t do it at all. It shows your level of immaturity and if you live your life by a make believe system of rating women, you’re the ultimate douche.
3. Don’t fall in love with me– Okay, whet? Why do men have this perception that if they even look at a woman they will instantly fall in love? NEWS FLASH: you are not God’s gift to Earth. We are more than capable of filtering our feelings. More importantly people who say that don’t even deserve our love.
4. Are you really going to eat that?– WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?! *high pitched scream* First of all, are you in the best shape?!?! No. You’re not. So, YEAH. I am going to eat that second helping of the amazing meal I just slaved over for the past hour and a half to feed your ungrateful ass! Watch it, because next time it might be poisoned.
5. Why are you filling your brain with garbage shows– The Real Housewives Series is not garbage! It’s everything I aspire to be. Everlasting youth, wealth, cheating husbands, expensive gifts from the cheating husband that make one feel better…I don’t complain when you watch grown men running down a court throwing an orange ball around.
6. Your friends are so hot– Exsqueeze me? Why are we even together if you find my friends so hot. It’s not that I’m insecure, it’s that you have no tact and you weren’t raised right. I am not your “bro.” I am not your “homie.” Keep those type of comments to yourself and leave if you are unhappy.
*7. Your body looks weird– I didn’t comment when your dick curved so far left it looked like a candy cane that gave me nightmares, but hey, I have class.
8. Ew there’s hair– Idk if you’ve looked in the mirror lately but your lower half practically looks like the top of Justin Guarini ‘s head.
9. Omg blood!– Um ok first of all, like how bout a thank you for not being pregnant? Second of all, it rinses in cold water! You should NEVER make a woman feel gross for having her period. ITS NATURAL. Literally like it’s never going away. Ever. Until you’re like 50. So nut up or shut up.
10. Are you gonna lose weight immediately after you have kids– <- Someone I definitely don’t want to conceive with. I’m sorry, did I not just push a human being who *could be* partially yours out of my tiny body?! WOMEN LITERALLY MAKE HUMANS! WE MAKE THEM! MAAAAAKE THEEEEEMMMM! You would be nothing without us, remember that.
11. You should get a boob job– Hey, I don’t believe I asked what you thought of my boobs so you volunteering your opinions as if I care is quite unnecessary.
12. You dress too provocative– Hmmmmmmm really?! That’s not what you said last night when you wouldn’t stop complimenting me. Guys always want to make comments about how we dress. It’s either we show too much skin or we’re too homely. WHICH IS IT?!
13. You’re not the girl I bring home to mom– I’m not the girl you bring home to mom because I don’t want to be the girl you bring home to mom. And why are we having the family talk when we’ve been dating for three weeks. Slow ya roll hunty!
14. I’ve been thinking about hooking up with my ex again *He says whilst out with current flame.* I would just like to know the train of thought here……….
15. My future wife…-This is just honestly rude and hurtful. You’ll end up crawling back and eating your words so why even say something so ridiculous? Are you a psychic? Do you have a magical crystal ball to see into the future?! Whatever, have fun with boring Sally over there while I’m traveling the world on my yacht. *This could’ve been us but you playin*
16. I don’t think it’s safe for you to be on that medication– First of all, said medication keeps me sane. Second of all, I didn’t know you were a world renown doctor making major breakthroughs. Birth control or any type of medical talk is such a touchy subject and guys really have no idea what they’re talking about when it comes to a woman’s body. This conversation is definitely off limits.
17. I don’t see this going anywhere– ” I don’t see this going anywhere and really this should be coming from you because it leaves me in a place to take advantage of you emotionally.” Wait..waa..wa…wait. You mean you’re just repeating what I said a month ago back to me rn? Okay, cool just checking.
18. You have a better body than my ex– Although, a compliment, it’s still a no no. So now we are both thinking about your ex and avoiding the elephant in the room. If you bring an ex up in any capacity, you aren’t over them and is a perfect reason for me to never answer your phone calls again.
19. I wish you were a bad girl– Why? Because you’re so insecure that you can’t control yourself and you care what people think about you? If a girl isn’t into you take the hint, loser.
20. I’m going to get a long text later, aren’t I– I’m sorry, did I annoy you by existing?! It’s called COM-MUN-I-CA-TION! You know, what people do when they say words back and forth to form a a sentence expressing oneself. If I bother you by talking/talking too much/things that interest me/etc. then we are clearly not compatible.
Guys, I hope this shed’s a light on the reprehensible dialog that spews from your mouth. I totally know girls are just as bad, if not worse, when it comes to throwing digs but I feel that’s a different scenario. This is more of a guideline of what not to say when you’re meeting someone for the first couple of times. Believe it or not I actually get a lot of requests from guys to help out in this department. I hope this gives you some guidance for the future and keeps you out of trouble!