Technically Single, Emotionally Unavailable

The most annoying thing about dating is breaking up with someone you aren't even dating.

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What? How does that even happen? You set new rules for yourself and have done a damn good job at executing them so there's no way you're gonna fall for him. It's fool proof. You're dating a guy, doing your best to not get attached, and all of a sudden you've upgraded from late night booty calls to hanging out during the day with his friends. You've intergraded your friend groups, call to chat at work because you miss each other and next thing you know- you're putting on face masks and laughing till the sun comes up.

But you're not dating. You aren't his girlfriend. He was clear in the beginning  about how he wasn't ready for commitment. So, this is your fault you're hurt; because you got your feelings involved and it was too much- so he ran.

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Bullshit.

That is such a cop-out for guys to play this "Friends With Benefits" card and turn it around on you when they catch feelings. You made him like you when it wasn't in the plan so, instead of going with the flow, he calculates an algorithm in which you don't fit.

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What is it with guys wanting the "girlfriend" without the label. You can get the milk for free but too lazy to buy the cow? The double standard guys have for women is honestly pathetic. They assume we will fall immediately in love with them if they do something nice so they have to over compensate by being an asshole. He will even devalue what you shared together to make himself feel better because he told you, remember? Don't get attached.

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Now you're left to pick up the pieces from yet, another failed relationshit, wondering at what point you got attached and "ruined" things. Am I the one who's emotionally unavailable? Because I tell ya, it's really a talent how much I attract emotionally unavailable men. I'm over dating daddies because they come with way too much baggage. I can't date younger people because I don't relate. I don't really date people in my age bracket because they are emotionally fearful…so, where do I fit?

Over the years I've had friends who have read dating books in the past. I've always thought this was kind of silly because how is some lady who doesn't know me or anything about my situation going to help me?! But fine, I was intrigued and I finally gave into one.  I bought a book called, Why Men Love Bitches . If you skim it over, there is a rule book in the back with a hundred different rules telling you what you can and can't do to attract a man. IT'S EXHAUSTING. Basically you have to be a non-emotional robot until you die or else you will scare him. Why do women read these books? Haven't you thought about that if you have to think this much to be with someone that they are the wrong person? C'mon, dating can't be this hard…right? If it is I want no part of it. The constant anxiety of trying to make sure you're on point and fulfilling someone else's expectations does in no way shape or form sound appealing to me. Are all the games really worth it? I'd rather be alone.

There's so many ways to break up with people these days: a classic text, tweet, meme, DM, an app. Oh yes, my friends. There's an app for that. It's called The Breakup Shop. You can pay $10 and all of your "problems" will disappear. And honestly you could probably just change your relationship on Facebook and they'd get the picture. It's fucked up.

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I constantly feel like a Sim throwing a fit when she can't get to the bathroom because a chair is in the way. Simple fix: find another way. I know this. I always have a plan but the unexpected doesn't sit well with me.

Are we perpetually single because it's a millennial thing?

Why is it that we always want what we can't have and ignore the things we do?

My phone is blowing up on the daily from other guys who are interested but my attention is elsewhere. I'm obsessed with the chase. I like a challenge and especially don't like to be told no/I can't have something. Basic human instinct. I also apply this to work, a new dance routine, auditioning, etc. I go into over drive and fixate on the thing that I want…even if I don't want it that bad.

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So, maybe the timing isn't right, sure. I have a lot that I need to work on my own and this is God's way of saying that I need to stand alone before I can stand with someone else. I get it.

 

Some people come in your life for a lifetime and some for a season. 

Don't be with anyone who makes you feel like you are hard to love. Your baggage doesn't define you and if someone can't handle it, it's better to know sooner rather than later. Some people are meant to help you get to the next level in life and that was their purpose in your life. Not everyone is meant to last a lifetime, some only for a season. I honestly don't require a lot in a relationship so if they aren't willing to meet my standards, BOY BYE! I don't have time to be wasting on fuck boys and empty bottles. I'm too good for all of that. It doesn't mean you have to carry around resentment, you are just setting the standard for what you deserve. So don't let a guy you aren't even dating make you feel like you aren't worth it. Because you are. We are all human and we are all (hopefully) growing from each and every experience. Learn from it and never repeat the same mistakes. Open your heart for the good things you deserve and let go of the things holding you back. It will always be okay.

 

Check out this song from, Tayler Buono.

Cheers to your next chapter, my friend.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jaGqR28rBs0

 

 

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